Season 1 reviewed.

After watching 31 episodes of Lizzie McGuire, I’m halfway done with this project!  The first season was all over the place. As a first season of a TV show, it does a remarkably poor job of setting up the world. This must have been partially production-related, because the early episodes feel so different that they must've …

Season 1, episode 31: “Gordo’s Bar Mitzvah”

We've reached the final episode of season 1! All the lady hormones in school are raging because it's Ethan's 14th birthday and his parents got him a dirtbike. “He's more something than usual,” swoons Miranda at the sight of Ethan in a dirtbike uniform. “He is! He so is,” agrees Lizzie. I liked that bit. …

Season 1, episode 30: “Gordo’s Video”

Hey I remember this one! Didn’t remember it being this fucked up, though. Gordo is carrying his camera around for one of his lame documentaries. We get a predecessor to and worse version of the cafeteria scene in Mean Girls as Gordo describes every clique at every table. After lunch, Gordo realizes that he left …

Season 1, episode 29: “The Courtship of Miranda Sanchez”

We're almost done with season one, y'all! Two pretty memorable episodes are coming up, but first we gotta get through this one. At the Digital Bean, Lizzie babbles on about lip gloss while Gordo rambles about an upcoming monster truck rally. If you're asking “Since when is Gordo into monster trucks?” you're in luck, because Lizzie …

Season 1, episode 28: “Lizzie and Kate’s Excellent Adventure”

Hey, everyone! Don't vote for this stupid show in the People's Choice Awards poll of the greatest Disney Channel show of all time. So this episode has Kate’s name right in the title, which is obviously bad news. For months I've seen it waiting for me in the janky-ass online Disney video player and been …

Season 1, episode 27: “Gordo and the Dwarves”

And we're back to lame episodes I hate!  Lizzie gets a package in the mail from Gammy McGuire. Rolling her eyes,  she complains to Gordo and Miranda that her grandma can't remember her birthday so she just sends her presents every few months just in case.  I don't see how that's cause for complaint - frequent …

Season 1, episode 26: “Scarlett Larry”

New week, new writers. "Scarlett Larry" was written by Amy and Wendy Engelberg, who have written for a lot of female-centered sitcoms as well as the DCOM Stuck in the Suburbs. They only wrote two Lizzie episodes, which is a bummer because this one is actually pretty good. The episode begins with a square dance in gym …

Season 1, episode 25: “Facts of Life”

Man, I wish I knew more about how these episodes were written. When you watch all of them back to back, it's pretty obvious that some had different writers in charge because they seem off somehow. This week's episode is a good example. There's a heightened, joke-a-minute style that's not typical at all for this …

Season 1, episode 24: “Night of the Day of the Dead”

It's the Halloween episode! I definitely remember this one, at least the second half of it. I feel like Disney must have hyped it up a lot during October. It begins with Matt and Lanny plotting out the best spots in the city for trick-or-treating while Lizzie and Matt exchange their usual cruel banter. The …

Season 1, episode 23: “Last Year’s Model”

Hoo boy, this is a weird one. Let's start with a thought experiment: if I put a gun to your head, could you describe Lizzie McGuire to me? Miranda Sanchez? David Gordon? Matt, Kate, Sam and Jo? You feel like you can, in broad terms, but the writers constantly throw in crazy plots that cause the …