Well, shoot. I've had a ton of trouble writing the reviews the past couple of weeks because of computer problems, and in my rush to keep getting them out I apparently straight-up skipped a few episodes. Now the reviews are all out of order. I know my readers generally hold me to a higher standard than this, … Continue reading Season 2, episode 28: “Great Old Grandma”
Hello. How's everyone doing? Not great? Well, let's channel our anger constructively, with rants about what an asshole Gordo is and how MIRANDA IS GONE AGAIN. This one's called "The Gordo Shuffle," and I don't know why. It starts with another one of the show's lazy, nonsensical jokes about how dumb Ethan is. This week, he … Continue reading Season 2, episode 30: “The Gordo Shuffle”
This one gets a dubious honor. Of all the episodes where Gordo throws a tantrum, it bothers me the least. Gordo, Lizzie, Ethan, and Miranda play basketball in a very, very small PE class. Ethan easily blocks what should be Gordo's buzzer-beating basket and Lizzie and Miranda gush about him when he leaves. Gordo is dejected. … Continue reading Season 2, episode 25: “A Gordo Story”
We're blitzing towards the finale, episode order be damned, and there is only one thing that matters at this point: get! Lizzie! and Gordo! Together! Miranda is gone! Maybe she's dead for all we know! School doesn't matter! Plot points don't matter! Gordo likes Lizzie and that's what this show is all about now! For … Continue reading Season 2, episode 22: “Clue-Less”
Hey I remember this one! Didn’t remember it being this fucked up, though. Gordo is carrying his camera around for one of his lame documentaries. We get a predecessor to and worse version of the cafeteria scene in Mean Girls as Gordo describes every clique at every table. After lunch, Gordo realizes that he left … Continue reading Season 1, episode 30: “Gordo’s Video”
It's the Halloween episode! I definitely remember this one, at least the second half of it. I feel like Disney must have hyped it up a lot during October. It begins with Matt and Lanny plotting out the best spots in the city for trick-or-treating while Lizzie and Matt exchange their usual cruel banter. The … Continue reading Season 1, episode 24: “Night of the Day of the Dead”
I've now watched 22 episodes of Lizzie McGuire, and I still can't make heads or tails of this show. The characterizations are so thin that I can only make vague objections when someone does something out of character and even the joke style changes from week to week. It doesn't have a strong voice, and … Continue reading Season 1, episode 22: “Untitled Stan Jansen Project”
Two terrible Gordo episodes in a row? Why are the writers so invested in making me hate Gordo? This week we get Gordo auctioning off his dessert at lunch to raise money for a new stereo, explaining his calculations for how long it'd take him to pay it off if he sold a dessert a day … Continue reading Season 1, episode 20: “Educating Ethan”
In recent reviews, I've wondered if I've gone a little hard on Gordo by comparing him to a whiny, r/redpill-reading men's rights activist. This episode comes in with a resounding "WOW, NOPE:" Yes, it's our plucky underdog himself in the mark of a manbaby, the badge of a bro, the frippery of a fuckboy: a … Continue reading Season 1, episode 13: “Come Fly with Me”
Lizzie McGuire Reviewed 